Ok.

I only have one New Year's Resolution. Which is ironic considering I don't believe in them and smirk/snark in my haughty, bitchy way at anyone who says they make them. But a single resolution I indeed duz haz. And that resolution is this:

Blog regularly again.

* * * * * *

Even if it's just a quick jog of a thought here and there. Even if it's gibberish. Even if I don't have time to spell-check it or be uber-obsessive/compulsive about it like I usually am (the HORROR). Even if it's 4-fucking:30 in the morning, like it is now. Just do it.

Why? Because it's good for me. I stopped doing it because my life got unbearably painful in the past year and it was hard enough living through it the first time, and then explaining it to relevant and/or nosey people in person ad nauseum. I certainly didn't want to relive it *yet again* by immortalizing it in print here or anywhere. It simply hurt too much. And before I could get a handle on one bit of hurt, something new to wince about would happen. The pain just kept compounding, and before I knew it, everything started coming at me so fast I couldn't keep up with it to write it all down without "IT" becoming a novel. So, easier to either swallow it or just close my eyes and let it wash over.

But I'm home now. It's a new year. We're working on creating a new marriage. So I'm going to try and start fresh. I deposited a lot of my pain in 2009. Decades worth, in fact.

I feel a lot lighter now.